I have a dear friend who is currently undergoing some of the very same experiences. Realizing I could relate, I opened up to her knowing it would be helpful to her. I have shared the intense feelings of loss I felt and still feel. I shared the strength I have recieved, and the insight I have gained. This has not been easy and has dreadged up old pain and emotions I wish I did not feel, and added to my current pain and struggles.
The other day, after pouring my heart out to God about how I have nothing left to offer or nothing left to give in support, the most interesting experience happened. I was chatting with my dear friend and out of nowhere, she thanked me from the bottom of her heart for being there for her. She said she offered grattitude daily to God for me and my experiences that are helping her so much right now. Tears poured down my cheeks and I realized that, even though I have experienced great pain and sorrow in my life, I was using that experience to help someone who needed to find their own strength. I felt as though God had given me a tender little mercy right then in re-affirming to me that my pain had a purpose. It was helping me feed the spirit of another one of Gods children. The Savior told us to feed his sheep, I believe we do that in many ways, and one of the ways are by sharing our own heartache to support others in need. I challenge you all to heed those words...."Feed My Sheep," Don't bury your pain and growing experiences, you never know when you will be someone elses angel! And, don't forget to express your gratitude to others when they share their experiences with you, it could be just the thing they need to hear!
In my life, I have had many loves, not only people, but hobbies, objects, experiences, etc. I imagine one of my very first loves were my parents. Today I have the memories of my father weighing heavy on my mind. He was always such a strong, tall man. One that created imediate fear in my dates as a teenager; for fear of his mere handshake would crush them. This was a man who, with his shiny white hair and tall stature, created an impermeable memory in all those who met him. Over the years, I have met people who had met the tall, white haired guy who worked at the State School. Of course, I knew they were talking of my Father. There was none other like him. Once a man with great stature and dignified appearence, he was hard to forget for those who met him. Now as I sit here looking across the room at my father, I see a person who is far different than the one I have always known and loved. He is slouched in his chair, frail and aged significantly from a year ago. He cannot stand on his own, walk or move a good part of his body. In the past year, I have witnessed a loss of his dignity and strength. I always loved to sit and talk for hours with him as a teenager and an adult. I found his knowledge on many things quite broad and he spoke with emotion and intelligence, despite his lack of a formal education. Only a few times in the past few months have I been able to witness fleeting glimpses of his communication abilities. I miss our talks so much. I always knew Dad would have just the right thing to say to me, even if it was the simple words spoken to me during many trials; "this too shall pass." I have so many wonderful memories of him. He was always the parent who more physically loving. He always had a hug for us and kisses at bedtime. I have fond memories of sitting on his knees and putting barettes in his thick grey hair and laughing at the silliness, motorcycle rides and stories before bed. He always led our family with great strength and love. He taught us the importance of having God in our lives, prayer and listening to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. He showed us these teaching not only in words, but in actions. He may not have the ability to lead like he once did, but I know his love of God resides within him still. He taught us love of family and over the years he has maintained great relationships with his extended family as well as his imediate family and most importantly, his grandkids. I am grateful for his leadership and example in my life. His advice many times was not adheared to and led to much heartache on my part. How I wish I had listened a little more sometimes. I suppose this is a normal regret many feel. He may not of been a man of worldly wealth, but as I sit looking at him, I realize he is one of the richest men I know. He has the blessing of eternal wealth. His wealth will continue to multiply for eternity through his posterity. His life and example has touched many over his 66 years. Even though he sits weak, aged and frail, his life and example lives on within me. I love you Dad, "this too shall pass."
