To Thine Own Self be True

I have not been blogging as of late and I feel it is time to write some of my thoughts. Many things have changed in my life in this past year.  Some have been good, and some have not been so good.  Regardless; all have been a growing and learning experiences for me! 

One thing I have struggled with is the question, who am I, and what do I want to do in life?  I have wondered this so many times before and pondered and even thought I had the answers.  I suppose I had the answers that I needed at that particular time, but now I find myself wondering all over again. I have also been feeling like I am failing in certain areas of my life and I need a pick-me-up!  So, here is a list of truths I know about myself!

20 Truths About Faye
1.  I am a woman of great strength! 
2.  I am very creative.

3.  I have musical talent and ability.

4.  No matter how hard I try, I will never be a math wiz, or a possess the gift of tongues, but I am OK with that!

5.  I am a good Mother and I love and adore my children!

6.  I am a trustworthy friend.

7.  I have beautiful blue eyes that twinkle and a pretty face to match!

8.  I believe in Jesus Christ as well as His atonement.

9.  I love to exercise, even though I slip off the wagon from time to time.

10. I love shoes....especially high heels.

11. I have the best family a gal can ask for!

12. I have the best friends a gal can ask for!

13. I am a hard worker and work hard to provide for my family.

14. I really want to work with children who struggle with obesity.

15. I love the beach, warm sand and the sound of the ocean

16. I am a good cook, although, I don't really love to.
17. I have the ability to empathize with others and I naturally possess compassion for others.
18.  I love to travel to new places.
19.  I enjoy nature, but not necessarily being in nature overnight.
20.  I love to smile, and when I do, it tends to light up the room!

I feel better already......Now, time to get back on my wagon and get to work living my life to the fullest, and enjoying all of lifes moments!  I hope you take some time to write down 20 truths about you!

Feed My Sheep

I have been thinking a lot lately about the experiences and trials I have had in my life.  I am a firm believer that we have experiences, pleasant or unpleasant to help us learn and grow to become more like our Savior.  I also believe we have experiences that give us empathy to understand and assist those around us who experience trials in their lives as well.  Generally, I am very positive about my life and trials, however, I must admit that I have struggled to come to grips with many of my trials I currently  face.  I have been feeling a bit sad that my life is just not turning out to be what I wanted or expected.  I am 37 in the midst of a divorce again, and I feel particularly unsettled right now.  Nearly 8 years ago, I experienced a heartbreak I never thought was possible.  It was deep and intense and I spent hours weeping and bawling with gut wrenching sobs.  I had experienced betrayal and the raw pain that accompanies it.   I have always felt that pain in my soul, even years later.  At times, I wanted to bury that experience, and make it not exist. 

I have a dear friend who is currently undergoing some of the very same experiences.  Realizing I could relate, I opened up to her knowing it would be helpful to her.  I have shared the intense feelings of loss I felt and still feel.  I shared the strength I have recieved, and the insight I have gained.  This has not been easy and has dreadged up old pain and emotions I wish I did not feel, and added to my current pain and struggles.

The other day, after pouring my heart out to God about how I have nothing left to offer or nothing left to give in support, the most interesting experience happened.  I was chatting with my dear friend and out of nowhere, she thanked me from the bottom of her heart for being there for her.  She said she offered grattitude daily to God for me and my experiences that are helping her so much right now.  Tears poured down my cheeks and I realized that, even though I have experienced great pain and sorrow in my life, I was using that experience to help someone who needed to find their own strength. I felt as though God had given me a tender little mercy right then in re-affirming to me that my pain had a purpose. It was helping me feed the spirit of another one of Gods children.  The Savior told us to feed his sheep, I believe we do that in many ways, and one of the ways are by sharing our own heartache to support others in need.  I challenge you all to heed those words...."Feed My Sheep,"  Don't bury your pain and growing experiences, you never know when you will be someone elses angel!  And, don't forget to express your gratitude to others when they share their experiences with you, it could be just the thing they need to hear!

My Cup Runneth Over

We have all heard of that Ah hah moment in life!  Well today I really had a great ah hah moment that penetrated my soul!  I have always truly felt like my family is the most important thing in this life!  I knew it, lived it and felt it, but never had it hit me as hard and as clear as it did today.  We had as great day at church and Jeff was home for the holiday week, so it was nice to have all my kids with me.  We came home, got ready to eat dinner and my nephew, Nate, called to see if I needed my road plowed.  I told him that would be great and he came over, just in time for dinner!  During dinner, it was lively and loud and everyone was laughing and joking around….it felt like heaven to have all my kids’ home around the table.  As I watched them it just occurred to me that they are all I need! No partner, romance or passionate fling can offer me the joy I recieve from Motherhood. I have a very hard road ahead of me, one that is long and seems rather daunting.  I just need to cling to the strong impression I had to hold tight to my children; love them, spend quality time with them and cherish them!  If I do, I will know so much greater joy than ever imaginable!  I may be lacking the love and strength that comes from a partner, but God gave me these kids to love and raise, and He will be there to help me along the way.  What a great privilege I have to watch and mold these beautiful children into amazing young ladies and gentlemen!  My cup runneth over with love and pure joy!

"This too shall pass"

In my life, I have had many loves, not only people, but hobbies, objects, experiences, etc.  I imagine one of my very first loves were my parents.  Today I have the memories of my father weighing heavy on my mind.  He was always such a strong, tall man.  One that created imediate fear in my dates as a teenager; for fear of his mere handshake would crush them.  This was a man who, with his shiny white hair and tall stature, created an impermeable memory in all those who met him.  Over the years, I have met people who had met the tall, white haired guy who worked at the State School.  Of course, I knew they were talking of my Father.  There was none other like him.  Once a man with great stature and dignified appearence, he was hard to forget for those who met him.  Now as I sit here looking across the room at my father, I see a person who is far different than the one I have always known and loved.  He is slouched in his chair, frail and aged significantly from a year ago.  He cannot stand on his own, walk or move a good part of his body.  In the past year, I have witnessed a loss of his dignity and strength.  I always loved to sit and talk for hours with him as a teenager and an adult.  I found his knowledge on many things quite broad and he spoke with emotion and intelligence, despite his lack of a formal education.  Only a few times in the past few months have I been able to witness fleeting glimpses of his communication abilities.  I miss our talks so much.  I always knew Dad would have just the right thing to say to me, even if it was the simple words spoken to me during many trials; "this too shall pass."  I have so many wonderful memories of him.  He was always the parent who more physically loving.  He always had a hug for us and kisses at bedtime.  I have fond memories of sitting on his knees and putting barettes in his thick grey hair and laughing at the silliness, motorcycle rides and stories before bed.  He always led our family with great strength and love.  He taught us the importance of having God in our lives, prayer and listening to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.  He showed us these teaching not only in words, but in actions.  He may not have the ability to lead like he once did, but I know his love of God resides within him still.  He taught us love of family and over the years he has maintained great relationships with his extended family as well as his imediate family and most importantly, his grandkids.  I am grateful for his leadership and example in my life.  His advice many times was not adheared to and led to much heartache on my part.  How I wish I had listened a little more sometimes.  I suppose this is a normal regret many feel.  He may not of been a man of worldly wealth, but as I sit looking at him, I realize he is one of the richest men I know.  He has the blessing of eternal wealth.  His wealth will continue to multiply for eternity through his posterity.  His life and example has touched many over his 66 years.  Even though he sits weak, aged and frail, his life and example lives on within me.  I love you Dad, "this too shall pass."